The Wall of No's

I have some great news!! The A/C is back on! WooHoo!! However, I was given this heavenly breeze yesterday that made it bareable. That, my friends, was a blessing from God, INDEED!


This morning as I sat down in my very cool A/C, I decided to do my devotion. I had attempted this same devotion yesterday but just couldn't focus. The current devotion that I'm doing is incredible but sometimes it's over my head a little. Who says it's only blondes that are airheaded? LOL I'm here to prove that theory wrong. ...Okay, so I sit down, I pray and I try it again. The Lord just opened it up for me and I'm going to share that "opening up" with you :) Aren't you glad? LOL

"By the miracle of Redemption Saul of Tarsus was turned in one second from a strong-willed, intense Pharisee into a humble, devoted slave of the Lord Jesus" *

Well, for me it hasn't been a "one second conversion" at ALL. I'd say the belief has been a lifetime but the living it...well, the first thing I noticed being changed was my taste in music. Certain music made my skin crawl and I just couldn't listen to it anymore. So much for all those Pearl Jam tapes that I listened to at the time. That was over. Next came my mouth. He cleaned that up rather quickly, as far as curse words are concerned.

But my faith walk came in stages for the longest time. I accepted Jesus in my heart when I was around 14 but I didn't start trying to live for Him til I was in my early twenties. Then came a lull where I walked away. I didn't go to church, I was surrounded by people that believed but didn't LIVE it and there IS a difference.

Next, came The Weigh Down Workshop and WOW that totally sparked the spark again. I was in my late 20's at that time. I thought God had made a complete turn around and this lady was discribing someone completely new. This God was amazing and wasn't there with a pointed finger in your face and angry at you all the time. I grew closer to him with each passing day. He removed some things from my life that definitely needed to be removed, my love of food, another addiction that I needed to give up and I did. But then he asked me to give up cigarettes. Are you kidding me Lord?!?!

"But woe be to me if when I see HIM (meaning Jesus) I say---I will not. He will never insist that I do, but I have begun to sign the death warrant of the Son of God in my soul."*

And that's exactly what happened. I stopped the Weigh Down Workshop and stopped my nightly bible study. I picked everything I had lost back up again and lost Jesus in the process. I had said no, Jesus, I won't.

Fast forward several years, mid thirties, I believe, and I'm lead to a wonderful church. I fall in love with this church and the Lord let me know that this is where He wants me. I eventually fall in love with the people. The Lord brings new friendships to my life, a new love of church to my life and an actual ministry to my life (youth Sunday School). Everything is running smoothly, nothing stands out really until we hit the line on the timeline of a certain bible study that I took. I can't recall the name of the study but I remember it was about prayer. We were told to pick two people to pray for, people that we thought needed the Lord in their life. I picked them and then the next assignment was to send a card to those people telling them that they are being prayed for...Are you kidding me?!!? These people don't even LIKE me...I will not. And I didn't. It wasn't long after that a truck ran over my mailbox, just plowed it down. LOL I KNEW I had done it again, I had said no, Lord, I will not. I still believed, I still went to church but honestly, I didn't study His word like I should, I didn't pray like I should, I wasn't walking in His ways like I should. I was in a rut.

Fast forward a few years to now. We did the Jabez study as the last study before summer and boy did I LOVE that one. I decided to do what it said to pray that prayer for a month. It was amazing, my earlier blogs speak of that time. Everything was running so smoothly, my relationship with the Lord had been rekindled, I was flying HIGH and I was on the mountaintop again. I couldn't get enough of His word, I devoured it like I devour lasagna =0 and I could feel the Lord moving me, molding me, shaping me, making me truly His again. Well one night I got the thought to start going to prayer time on Tuesday mornings at church. The problem was, they started at 8am and I was normally getting up at that time on days I don't have to work. I didn't go...and things weren't terrible but I could feel a pulling away that I can't describe. I didn't know what it was but eventually it dawned on me. I had said it once again, Lord, I will not.

I will be at that prayer time next Tuesday morning, sleeping til 8 is just plain lazy anyway. I want to go where He sends me, I want to be His hands, be His feet and I don't want to ever say "No, I will not" to the Lord ever again. But above all, I don't want to lose Jesus again. There's a freedom and joy that you only experience when You are truly walking with Him that I don't want to not have. It's not the blessings that He rains over my life, it's HIM being IN my life, that I love. It's the fact that I can feel His pressence; that I know HE's in control if I will just do what He says! Ahhhh, the freedom of that, the fretlessness of knowing that He's in control!!

"It is a matter of indifference to God's grace how abominable I am if I come to the light; but woe be to me if I refuse the light."*


Oh Lord open our eyes to Your ways and Your will. Help us to see clearly the paths that You choose for us to take. Teach us to always say YES when You call. We ask that You give us the courage and the strength to stay always in Your sight, Your light and Your will. In Jesus Name we pray! Amen.




*Quotes from "My Utmost for His Highest"

What a Difference

Oh what a night! Last night was the perfect VBS experience. WOOHOO!! As a matter of fact last night one of the victims of my venting sessions said, " Aren't you glad it's over?" And I can honestly say that No I'm not. I'm sorry that I didn't have last nights experience all week. I hate that my attitude ruined the whole thing and that the problem wasn't fixed sooner.

It's amazing how God works because my devotion this morning said "The test of our spirituality comes when we come up against injustice, and meanness and ingratitude and turmoil, all of which have the tendency to make us spiritual sluggards." OUCH I was a spiritual sluggard this week and I failed the test. However it also spoke of how God will put you in situations over and over again until you get it right! WooHoo! A chance to redeem myself, Thank You Lord. Although I'm truly not looking forward to being overwhelmed again I pray that the next time I will be able to handle it better.

I learned so much this week. I realized last night that your attitude is half the battle. I realized that things don't bother you or ruffle your feathers as much when your eyes are on the Lord and not on the situation. With the attitude change and problem solved I was able to see the Lord working in the youth. I was able to spend time with them, cut up with them and glimpse the Lord working through them. That is such a beautiful thing!! Some examples of this was students including Amber, a downs symdrome child who is an absolute pleasure. I saw kids sitting with her at supper, I saw kids talking to her and helping her at crafts. I even saw one certain Austen praise her when she colored all over a picture he had worked so hard on. That's when you are so proud of them. OH it was great. Several others that were a "problem" all week shone when I got the chance to speak with them and cut up with them.

After everyone had left, we had a pizza party for the workers and the biggest gifts of the night were revealed to me. One was when a young lady who is blind gave a braille thank you letter to the director and her husband. It was so beautiful, watching her read it and hearing the words of her heart come through on that page. I don't think there was a dry eye to be found from those who were blessed to hear it!

The other gift came from a parent of one the Youth Sunday School class that I coteach. This girl wasn't able to be there this week but her mom came up to me and told me that her daughter had truly been listening. It appears that all the talk of doing a daily devotion and daily bible study wasn't lost on her. She is currently after her mother to get her a teen devotion that she can do daily! WOOHOO!!!!! She is also taking praying for her prayer pal very seriously which just so happens to be ME this month! And YOU know how I need those prayers =)

It's gifts like these that make it all worthwhile and with all that was learned and taught I'd say that this was the best VBS ever!

I thank You Lord for teaching me this week at VBS. I thank you for showing me the error of my ways and for opening my eyes to not only the problem but the solution. I thank You for opening my eyes to the fact that "I am here not to realize myself, but to know Jesus". Please make my aim be to "secure the realization of Jesus Christ in EVERY set of circumstance I am in". In Jesus name I pray. AMEN!

Finding Freedom in the Valley

I have a great friend that I actually know in the real world. She also has a blog and she's started something fairly new called Friday's Blessings that I rather like. You can check it out here:http://proverbs31homekeeper.blogspot.com/ (I think I figured it out Michele! Yay me!) I especially enjoyed it this week because I have had a pretty rotten time of it lately. I haven't been blogging because my positivity seemed to have got up and went. It appeared to me that a friend's joke of a curse on me and my family had actually not been as funny as previously thought. Everything was falling apart, my car, my computer, my body, my banking account, friendships...it was all just falling down around me. I tried to praise the Lord in the midst of the storm however it seems my praise kept waxing and waning...where was my faith, where was that positive attitude that I'm fighting to learn? I had it when God was pouring His blessings down around me but when things started to unravel, I plummetted off that mountaintop and found myself in a valley that was filled with this ugly voice that kept magnifying the bad NOT the good.

As the friendship felt threatened this same voice (surely that's not me?!?!) kept recalling past hurts and blows and bringing to light new ones, trying to keep me in this pit of bitterness. Trying to put the focus on the bad things instead of the truly great things that I've learned during this friendship. Which in turn probably didn't help this 'ole body and as the worry/anger stirred in me over that issue my body started to scream loudly and I ended up in the ER one night this week due to the pain. I don't truly believe it was related but...who knows.

However the light at the end of this tunnel is shining brightly. My husband repaired the computer(I didn't realize he could even do that and the repair was completely free, can't beat free!) the night he returned from his mission trip (that was free for my son and him, talk about a blessing!). The car runs, it needs tires, an inspection and the check engine light is on BUT it runs!

The banking account isn't what it once was but the bills are being paid, there isn't any money left over for fun stuff but we've done just fine this summer without spending money on entertainment. We just entertain ourselves. It's actually been nice and the Lord has provided some free entertainment, like concerts, river digging, a week mission trip for the boys and an almost all girl week for us girls.

The body is going to a much needed Dr. visit on Monday and that is a good thing.

But HERE is the blessing that I couldn't believe this week. We sat down to dinner one night and I couldn't believe it. We had:

Fish = Rusty caught Mahi Mahi while fishing on my Dad's boat.

We used Limes - free from a friend

and Lemon Thyme - a plant which was given to me by my Mother-In-Law

to season it.

Fried Squash = Squash, grown in our garden and seed for that garden given to us by my in-laws.

Oil to fry squash - free from a friend

Eggs and flour - free from same friend

Green Beans = grown in our garden and seeds given to us by the in-laws.

Flavorings- free from a friend

Pepsi = left in our cooler from the mission trip, free to us

Mountain Dew = "

Sweet Potato Pie = free from the friend

The ONLY thing that cost us money for that meal was my husband's glass of green tea! But the sugar used in that tea was FREE! We were eating a meal that was completely and utterly provided by from our Lord and Savior! Oooh what a night when I realized that! We were being shown just how He will provide for us when we rely on Him. My kids marvelled, my husband and I were in awe. I realize everything we get is from the Lord but when you didn't even have to BUY it...wow.

I am currently back on my feet(as of this morning), I've rebuked that curse (just in case ;), I'm no longer stressing about the outcome of the Dr. visit, the friendship or the tires on my car. The Lord has provided, He will provide and He's currently lifting me up and out of this valley. Wow, freedom again! There's nothing like it ;)