Waiting...

As most of you know my husband has been out of work since April. It's been trying at times but not too bad. God has provided and He's used this time to teach me so much. He has truly taught me the lesson that HE is the provider and Oh, how He loves us. How faithful He is! We've only had one month where we were worried about paying bills. I have learned to lean on HIM more, to trust Him and just to know that He is in control. I've told my husband the whole time that if it's God's will, he'll get this job or that job. My faith remained strong, my joy was in tact, I truly wasn't worried about it. I was just trusting.

Well, my husband was called to the local phone company to do an interview. He made it through to the third round, there's only the fourth to go. I was so excited about this prospect and truly thought THIS is God's best for my husband! This job brings great pay, great benefits, a place to grow and move up. This has to be the job we've been waiting for! God has saved the best for last! The way it all came about was another God-incident. If Rusty hadn't applied at a local computer repair center, his resume wouldn't have been looked at. It just felt RIGHT, it felt like God's doing.

Rusty was told that they would call him the first of this week...they haven't called. I've been fine during this whole process until yesterday. Yesterday is officially the middle of the week and as the day progressed and all the well meaning people kept asking me if we'd heard anything...well, my hope left me. I finally saw for the first time that what if this isn't what God wants for Rusty? What if he doesn't get the job? What if, what if...I fell like a sack of bricks. God kept saying to me, don't you trust Me? Why don't you trust Me? I was overwhelmed with worry, overwhelmed with fear and just plain not trusting Him.

A friend called me last night to see if we wanted some lasagna for our supper. Lasagna is my favorite all time food. I LOVE lasagna!! LOVE IT!! It was such a sweet thing for her to do. She brought it to me and she was even in her pajamas! I started talking to her about my problems and what I was feeling. Just out of nowhere, just bowled her over with them. She didn't even see it coming, lol. Somehow me telling her what the Lord had been asking all day...it just hit me and stuck. It was like the Lord had personally sent me lasagna and a friend to listen just so I could get over it. Just so I could truly give it to Him and NOT take it back.

We still haven't heard anything but I know now that if this isn't the job that the Lord has for Rusty, God is still in control. He won't let us down. He knows all and His ways aren't our ways. If Rusty doesn't get this job who knows the mercy that's just been extended to us? We won't be able to see it of course, but I believe that it will be mercy and not rejection.

Oh Lord, I thank You for Your patience and Your faithfulness! I thank You for guiding us and for Your provision. I praise You for Your unending mercy and Your neverending blessings! Lord, help me to cling to You no matter the outcome, use it to make Rusty and me stronger in our faith and Lord...help us to see Your loving grace all around us. In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN!

Oh What a Night!

This week has always been my favorite time of year. It's VBS week and I LOVE VBS!! WooHoo! I have worked with the youth for probably 3 years and I've always enjoyed it... until this year. I will not go into the details and I will not explain any further but let's just say it hasn't been a very good week for Erika.

One of the songs that we are currently learning is Psalm 100 that our very talented director put to music. If we learn the song, we learn an entire Psalm. I think that was brillantly put together and brillantly chosen.

Last night was really rough and at the end of the night we sang the song. As I sat there fuming, I heard the words "Serve the Lord with gladness" being sung all around me and although I Heard them, they bounced off me and didn't penetrate. I was too angry. I didn't come before Him with singing either, I was too angry. I also, in that angry moment didn't know the Lord or that He is my God, I was way too angry.

I was so angry that I vented to my husband, my friend, and yet another friend. I woke up this morning Still angry and I was still venting to yet another friend, to that friend, to this friend, everywhere a friend, friend.

I was in some kind of funk let me tell you. Well, I think this morning after the 5th vent session it hit me like a lead balloon...when are you going to go to the Lord? Remember Him? The one you are doing this for anyway? The reason you are there at all? What about Him? Did I call on Him in the midst of the chaos? NO. I didn't. I never called on Him at all. I called just about everyone but Him.

I realize now that it wasn't the ratio that was the true problem although, it would have been a major help if the ratio had been better, the true problem was I was relying on myself. I was relying on my skills and abilities, I was relying on others to provide mercy, myself to be able to handle it all and guess what? I never even called on the Lord for help, not once. He was the reason we were all there but I forgot about Him. That was the true problem.

I have also realized another problem. Instead of consulting others, I should be consulting the Lord. When we vent, it really doesn't help us, it fans the flames. Not only does it fan the flames but it "poisons" those that we are venting to.

Last night I was revelling in my anger. I was seeking justice for the way I felt that I had been treated. Not that I realized that at the time but now looking back, I can see it. And the Lord doesn't call us to seek justice for ourselves. He calls us to give justice to others . I felt like I was being punished or something, crazy I know, but I really felt like it. No more finger pointing. Maybe the finger does need to be pointed at me? I can't see it yet but I now realize that it's unimportant who was at fault. The problem was there, it needed a solution and it has been solved.

So, tonight, I will actively choose to serve the Lord with gladness. I will actively choose to close my mouth and pray instead. I will not point fingers, I will not seek justice for myself
and if arrows are thrown in my direction I will take them head on and turn the other cheek.
I will accept my part of the blame and I will truly put into action: humbleness is strength. Tonight, I will actively work to make this truly an "Oh what a night" night.

May the Lord open your heart to your life lessons and may He truly change you with each revelation.

Finding Freedom in the Valley

I have a great friend that I actually know in the real world. She also has a blog and she's started something fairly new called Friday's Blessings that I rather like. You can check it out here:http://proverbs31homekeeper.blogspot.com/ (I think I figured it out Michele! Yay me!) I especially enjoyed it this week because I have had a pretty rotten time of it lately. I haven't been blogging because my positivity seemed to have got up and went. It appeared to me that a friend's joke of a curse on me and my family had actually not been as funny as previously thought. Everything was falling apart, my car, my computer, my body, my banking account, friendships...it was all just falling down around me. I tried to praise the Lord in the midst of the storm however it seems my praise kept waxing and waning...where was my faith, where was that positive attitude that I'm fighting to learn? I had it when God was pouring His blessings down around me but when things started to unravel, I plummetted off that mountaintop and found myself in a valley that was filled with this ugly voice that kept magnifying the bad NOT the good.

As the friendship felt threatened this same voice (surely that's not me?!?!) kept recalling past hurts and blows and bringing to light new ones, trying to keep me in this pit of bitterness. Trying to put the focus on the bad things instead of the truly great things that I've learned during this friendship. Which in turn probably didn't help this 'ole body and as the worry/anger stirred in me over that issue my body started to scream loudly and I ended up in the ER one night this week due to the pain. I don't truly believe it was related but...who knows.

However the light at the end of this tunnel is shining brightly. My husband repaired the computer(I didn't realize he could even do that and the repair was completely free, can't beat free!) the night he returned from his mission trip (that was free for my son and him, talk about a blessing!). The car runs, it needs tires, an inspection and the check engine light is on BUT it runs!

The banking account isn't what it once was but the bills are being paid, there isn't any money left over for fun stuff but we've done just fine this summer without spending money on entertainment. We just entertain ourselves. It's actually been nice and the Lord has provided some free entertainment, like concerts, river digging, a week mission trip for the boys and an almost all girl week for us girls.

The body is going to a much needed Dr. visit on Monday and that is a good thing.

But HERE is the blessing that I couldn't believe this week. We sat down to dinner one night and I couldn't believe it. We had:

Fish = Rusty caught Mahi Mahi while fishing on my Dad's boat.

We used Limes - free from a friend

and Lemon Thyme - a plant which was given to me by my Mother-In-Law

to season it.

Fried Squash = Squash, grown in our garden and seed for that garden given to us by my in-laws.

Oil to fry squash - free from a friend

Eggs and flour - free from same friend

Green Beans = grown in our garden and seeds given to us by the in-laws.

Flavorings- free from a friend

Pepsi = left in our cooler from the mission trip, free to us

Mountain Dew = "

Sweet Potato Pie = free from the friend

The ONLY thing that cost us money for that meal was my husband's glass of green tea! But the sugar used in that tea was FREE! We were eating a meal that was completely and utterly provided by from our Lord and Savior! Oooh what a night when I realized that! We were being shown just how He will provide for us when we rely on Him. My kids marvelled, my husband and I were in awe. I realize everything we get is from the Lord but when you didn't even have to BUY it...wow.

I am currently back on my feet(as of this morning), I've rebuked that curse (just in case ;), I'm no longer stressing about the outcome of the Dr. visit, the friendship or the tires on my car. The Lord has provided, He will provide and He's currently lifting me up and out of this valley. Wow, freedom again! There's nothing like it ;)

All in the Name of Peace

Sometimes we get too comfy in our spiritual lives. We decide, wow, I've GOT this. This is no problem...

Once upon a time there was a lady who taught Youth Sunday School. She and her friend decided to teach their youth the Fruits of the Spirit. Every month they would pick a fruit and focus on it. Well, one month the word was joy. Well this lady had been taught about joy but she just couldn't say that she truly had experienced it. So she prayed that the Lord would show her in a mighty and powerful way the experience we call joy...He did and she marvelled at how wonderful true joy was.The next month the Fruit was peace. Now this lady had been a worrier all her life. She just couldn't figure out how to stop worrying but she knew that she couldn't have peace with worry. Because basically to worry means that we do not think that God can look after the details of our lives. If we worry, we don't trust the Lord. The lady knew that so she went to the Lord again and prayed that He would send His Spirit to show her what peace meant. He did. Almost immediately, her husband lost his job of 20 years, her son ended up in the hospital with an obsessed tonsil and her daughter got sick. But through it all the Lord gave her peace. She didn't worry how they would pay their bills. She didn't worry how they would do anything. She was truly trusting the Lord to take care of their needs and He did INDEED :)All was well but the lady got comfy in this feeling of peace. She thought she had it all figured out. Don't worry, trust and give it to the Lord. She did all this ...with the big stuff. She never even noticed the little areas where peace evaded her. She never noticed the moments of outbursts over bad school grades, the driver that didn't turn his turn signal on or the worse one, the person that didn't put their grocery cart away, grrrrr. The people in the grocery store that take over the whole aisle and don't seem to notice or care that you're standing RIGHT there!! Oh...I mean that SHE's standing right there.One night it happened. She had taken her son to a baseball game. This son who she watched the year before win games with his last minute catch and moments of hitting the ball so far it almost went over the fence...this same son was stepping out of the box, wouldn't even TRY to hit the ball, he was actually putting the bat down BEFORE the ball was past him!! She was so upset. She wanted this baseball thing for him for so many reasons! She was searching frantically for something that her son is good at that will keep him involved so that in the teenage years he'll have a focus. Something to put his all in, so maybe he won't be lead to girls or drugs or whatever. And those dreams of HERS were fading as she watched on that cold, hard, bleacher. On the ride home she and her husband talked to the boy to try and figure out why he had quit trying, what was wrong. He admitted that since he had been hit by a baseball he was afraid. He was afraid of being hit by that ball. The lady heard his words but inside she was angry and frantic. The exact opposite of peace BUT she didn't see it. All she saw were baseball dreams being dashed. All she saw was her son failing at something that she thought at one time he was so good at. All she thought was what am I going to do now?Well that night she did her evening devotion. Little Mrs. Comfy got a HUGE eye opener.

The verse was Matthew 6:25:"Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body what ye shall put on."

The devotion revealed alot to her but here's the part that REALLY hit her square in the face...

"It is not only wrong to worry, it is infidelity. Have you ever noticed what Jesus said would choke the word He puts in? The devil? NO, the cares of this world. It is the LITTLE worries always. I will not trust where I cannot see, that is where infidelity begins."

Wow, conviction just swept over her. The little worries were getting her and SHE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE! The Lord had done HIS job but SHE was too comfortable in HER ability to have peace. She had stopped asking for the Lord's help with peace because she had it under control. We can do nothing apart from the Lord and we need to always remember to stay on our toes. Be diligent and keep our eyes open and peace is wonderful but don't forget the small stuff ;)

May God bless you and give You peace in ALL things.