Thursday, July 23, 2009

Oh What a Night!

This week has always been my favorite time of year. It's VBS week and I LOVE VBS!! WooHoo! I have worked with the youth for probably 3 years and I've always enjoyed it... until this year. I will not go into the details and I will not explain any further but let's just say it hasn't been a very good week for Erika.

One of the songs that we are currently learning is Psalm 100 that our very talented director put to music. If we learn the song, we learn an entire Psalm. I think that was brillantly put together and brillantly chosen.

Last night was really rough and at the end of the night we sang the song. As I sat there fuming, I heard the words "Serve the Lord with gladness" being sung all around me and although I Heard them, they bounced off me and didn't penetrate. I was too angry. I didn't come before Him with singing either, I was too angry. I also, in that angry moment didn't know the Lord or that He is my God, I was way too angry.

I was so angry that I vented to my husband, my friend, and yet another friend. I woke up this morning Still angry and I was still venting to yet another friend, to that friend, to this friend, everywhere a friend, friend.

I was in some kind of funk let me tell you. Well, I think this morning after the 5th vent session it hit me like a lead balloon...when are you going to go to the Lord? Remember Him? The one you are doing this for anyway? The reason you are there at all? What about Him? Did I call on Him in the midst of the chaos? NO. I didn't. I never called on Him at all. I called just about everyone but Him.

I realize now that it wasn't the ratio that was the true problem although, it would have been a major help if the ratio had been better, the true problem was I was relying on myself. I was relying on my skills and abilities, I was relying on others to provide mercy, myself to be able to handle it all and guess what? I never even called on the Lord for help, not once. He was the reason we were all there but I forgot about Him. That was the true problem.

I have also realized another problem. Instead of consulting others, I should be consulting the Lord. When we vent, it really doesn't help us, it fans the flames. Not only does it fan the flames but it "poisons" those that we are venting to.

Last night I was revelling in my anger. I was seeking justice for the way I felt that I had been treated. Not that I realized that at the time but now looking back, I can see it. And the Lord doesn't call us to seek justice for ourselves. He calls us to give justice to others . I felt like I was being punished or something, crazy I know, but I really felt like it. No more finger pointing. Maybe the finger does need to be pointed at me? I can't see it yet but I now realize that it's unimportant who was at fault. The problem was there, it needed a solution and it has been solved.

So, tonight, I will actively choose to serve the Lord with gladness. I will actively choose to close my mouth and pray instead. I will not point fingers, I will not seek justice for myself
and if arrows are thrown in my direction I will take them head on and turn the other cheek.
I will accept my part of the blame and I will truly put into action: humbleness is strength. Tonight, I will actively work to make this truly an "Oh what a night" night.

May the Lord open your heart to your life lessons and may He truly change you with each revelation.

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